The fastest way to learn copywriting is to see weak copy rewritten into strong copy and understand why. Below are 15 before-and-after examples across product pages, social captions, ads, WhatsApp replies, emails, headlines and buttons for typical Ghanaian businesses. The same few principles do most of the work: be specific, lead with the buyer's benefit, show the price, add proof, remove a worry, and end with one clear action.
1. Skincare product page
Before:
Glow Serum. Premium quality serum for beautiful skin. Order now.
After:
Dark spot serum, 30 ml Fade dark spots and even your skin tone in 4–8 weeks, without bleaching. Gentle niacinamide and vitamin C, made for melanin-rich skin. Lasts about 6 weeks. 400+ bottles sold. "My spots from acne are almost gone." Akua, Kumasi GH₵ 180. Delivered in Accra tomorrow. Pay with MoMo or on delivery.
Why it sells more: specific result and timeframe, safety ("without bleaching"), proof, price, delivery and payment worries removed.
2. Instagram caption for a tailor
Before:
New designs available. Quality work at affordable prices. DM for more info.
After:
Wedding on the 20th and still no outfit? 👗 Send your measurements today and get a made-to-measure kaba and slit in 7 days. From GH₵ 450, fabric included. Order here: link in bio.
Why: names the buyer's situation, specific promise and deadline, price shown, one clear action.
3. Ebook sales page headline
Before:
The Ultimate Guide to Baking
After:
Start a home bakery in 30 days with GH₵ 1,000 or less
Why: a result, a timeframe and a budget the buyer can picture, instead of a vague "ultimate".
4. "How much?" reply on WhatsApp
Before:
250
After:
Hi Esi 😊 It's GH₵ 250, and it comes with the care kit. Order here and pay with MoMo: [link]. Delivered in Accra tomorrow.
Why: warm, the price plus one benefit, a payment link, a delivery time. One message that can close the sale.
5. Facebook ad for a course
Before:
Learn digital marketing with us. Enroll now!
After:
Spent GH₵ 1,000 on Facebook ads and got nothing? 😩 In 8 short lessons, learn how small businesses in Ghana run ads that actually sell, starting with GH₵ 50 a day. 300+ students. GH₵ 350. Tap Learn more.
Why: the hook names a painful experience, the promise is specific and believable, proof and price are there.
6. Email subject line
Before:
Newsletter October Edition
After:
The 3 cakes that sell best in Ghana (and what to charge)
Why: tells the reader exactly what they'll get and why it's useful.
7. Restaurant menu item
Before:
Jollof rice with chicken – GH₵ 60
After:
Smoky party jollof with grilled chicken – GH₵ 60 Firewood-cooked, the way it's done at weddings. Big enough to share (almost).
Why: sensory details and a familiar reference make it feel worth the price.
8. Phone accessories product
Before:
Power bank 20000mAh. Fast charging. Good battery.
After:
20,000 mAh power bank: 4 full phone charges Get through a light-off weekend without a dead phone. Fast-charges in 3 hours. 3-month warranty. GH₵ 220.
Why: turns the spec into a benefit people care about, adds a local reference and a warranty to reduce risk.
9. Coaching offer
Before:
I offer business coaching. Contact me for details.
After:
For shop owners who are busy every day but not growing In 12 weeks we'll fix your pricing, your stock and your sales system, so the business makes more without you working more. 25 businesses coached. Average sales up 30% in 3 months (only state what you can prove). Apply for a free 20-minute call: [link]
Why: clear audience, clear result, proof, low-risk first step.
10. Webinar registration
Before:
Join our free webinar on Thursday.
After:
Free class Thursday, 7 pm: get your first 10 customers from WhatsApp status 45 minutes. Bring your phone; you'll set it up while we talk. Save my seat →
Why: the title is the result, the logistics are clear, and the button says what happens.
11. Button
Before:
Submit
After:
Send me the free checklist
Why: tells people what they get by clicking.
12. Price section
Before:
Price: GH₵ 500
After:
What you get: 20 video lessons (GH₵ 400 value), pricing spreadsheet (GH₵ 80), private WhatsApp group (GH₵ 150). Today: GH₵ 350, or 2 payments of GH₵ 180. Early price ends Friday.
Why: shows value before price, offers a payment plan, adds a real deadline. See how to make an irresistible offer.
13. Event ticket
Before:
Tickets available. Call 024xxxxxxx.
After:
Accra Creators Meetup, Saturday 2 pm, Osu Meet 100 creators, learn how 3 of them make GH₵ 10k+ a month, and leave with a plan. Early-bird GH₵ 80 until Wednesday. Get your ticket (MoMo): [link]
Why: what, when, where, why attend, price, deadline, one-tap purchase.
14. About section
Before:
We are a dynamic company committed to excellence and customer satisfaction.
After:
I started Glow in my room in Kasoa in 2022, after nothing on the market worked for my own dark spots. Today we've shipped to 2,000+ customers across Ghana, and every product is one I use myself.
Why: a real person, a real story, specific numbers, a reason to trust.
15. Abandoned cart SMS
Before:
Complete your order now!!!
After:
Glow Skincare: Hi Ama, your serum order is still waiting. If the MoMo prompt timed out, finish it here: [link]
Why: branded, personal, explains the likely problem kindly, one link.
The principles behind every rewrite
| Principle | What to do |
|---|---|
| Specific beats vague | Numbers, timeframes, places, sizes |
| Benefit before feature | What it does for them, then how |
| Show the price | In cedis, near the button |
| Prove it | Reviews, numbers, real photos |
| Remove worries | MoMo, pay on delivery, guarantee, delivery time |
| One clear action | One button, one link |
| Sound like a person | Warm, simple, local |
Frequently asked questions
Can I copy these examples?
Use them as patterns. Replace every detail with your own true facts, your own proof and your own voice.
How do I know if my rewrite is better?
Test it: run both versions as ads, or A/B test the headline on your funnel. Let sales decide.
Read next: copywriting formulas and the copy editing checklist.
